Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I had completed doing one of the kuih raya just now-Sarang Semut, all time favourite kuih in my family. I rest for a while and hope to fall asleep. hubby is sleeping now, i guess so. But my heart seems feeling uneasy all the time.
My story of life is like full of ups and downs. But mostly downs. I kept locking myself in the room, to avoid from any arguments with my family. Its a everyday thing to happen. I argue a lot with people. Especially mum and sis. Im not gonna say what i normally argue, but i felt unfariness deep down in my heart. I cried most of the time seeing my life in turmoil. And i wish i have a close girl fren that can understand we gerls feel. But i don't have any. I don't have so many friends like i use to. Im not as cheerful like what i am last time. And im not as strong as last time.Instead, i often give up and give in to others and i took the blame. I don't wanna tell too much of my problems to hubby. Coz i wanna learn to be independent and learn to stand up. But every single beads of sorrows i swallowed, it goes down to my heart and bottled it tightly inside. Then rolls of tears will start to roll down my cheeks.
I knew hubby is the only person that can understand my family problem. But what if he leaves me 1 day? To whom am i gonna cry on? I really love hubby so much. That he sets my heart free and gave me the confidence to stand for my right. But im still bewildered, does he love me as much as i love him? He is my pillar of strength and i can't bare to see him go. Without him, i will definitly fall or maybe, i'll turn to back to my wild lifestyle.
Hubby, this is my first time holding a relationship to a year. This is new love chapter created in my life. Too many memories we had and if 1 day u shall leave me, our memories shall be the one that make me break down in tears. Im afraid that i can't move on. I've never love a guy as much as i love you before. Till im willing to sacrifice my pride to my family regarding Dani Adryan. I don't wish to throw coz i wanna spent my entire life with you. Tears rolling slowly as i flash back the past when we fought over a third party and about being unfaithful, i really hope it will never happen again coz im always faithful and honest to you. I don't wanna end my love just like that as i showered everything to you entirely. Without you, i will never live coz no one will understand my bottled feelings and problems except you. My family will never understands me. I really hope that you shall be with me all the time coz you are my light of my life. I hope that your plannings regarding the tying our strings will came true and have a happy life with you. I really love you a lot..
