Friday, April 3, 2009
Its my off day today, woke up at 10am, doing housechores and bought some food. As i was doing my work, my mind keep thinking. My birthday is drawing near and its not just an ordinary birthday. It's hubby birthday too cum our wedding day. I knew its a double excitement but sometimes I have to be prepare if there were anything that when wrong before hand. I always tried to look the bright side but yet, I sometimes loose grip.
Sis, i knew what you are going through rite now. Im clearly understand that our family are breaking apart. It's true that we siblings suffer alot with what Ayah has done to us and Mama. And both of us really hated him lots. But that shouldn't be the reason for me backing out from my wedding. Remember once you told mama to just let me lead my own life? The conversation that we had at Haji Karim late at night? Doesn't mean i get married, I will just let go of you and mama. Im still the eldest of my siblings and lucky I already found a job and Im willing to help you and mama in future. He himself told me that he won't stop me from seeing you or going shopping with you. Coz he knew that no matter where we are, you, mama, yum and I are true blood family.
But no matter how heartache you are, i was upset that you post out our personal problem in public blog. You yourself knew that, there is someone reading your post and my post just to boost to people around and tagged you and me unnecessary. Whatever you post out in your blog has made everyone in this cyber world knew what we are going through. Yes, its true that you dunno how to express your feelings in front of me, so do i too. But now, 'unwanted' people has read ur entry. Never mind. To me, marriage is just a status in me, but our family will never be apart form me. I already put aside some cash money at every end month for you, yum, mama, nenek and cak ngah. Coz i knew, I really owe these people alot.
If the divorce case really goes on, just feel free to call me up or meet me somewhere whenever you want to. Aku berhak tahu ape yang berlaku dalam kluarga aku. Dia tkda larang aku jumpe kau dik. Apa lagi mama. I will try my best to drop by ang mo kio or woodlands to see you, mama and amirul. Nenek i will always visit her la.. Aku tahu mama da banyak berkorban untuk kita, memang duit mama banyak kita da pakai, tapi aku da berjanji dengan diri aku sendiri that, I will pay her back ape dia da korbankan. Tapi aku tk luahkan. Jangan anggap pernikahan aku ni, semata-mata untuk aku larikan diri. I sometimes cry to myself thinking about mama and ayah.
I miss you too adek, and i miss my family too. Just remember my promises that i wrote earlier and whatever happen, we won't be apart. Im sorry for making you pressurised even more and im sorry to amirul that he will be spending lesser time with me.. But again, you guys will always be there in my heart where ever i go.. A Thousand apologies, that 11 April has to go on..
I love you Adek.
I love you Amirul.
and
I love you Mama.
:'(
